oh sho

summer sun

2009-06-19T00:20:00.000-07:00

the last couple weeks in s.cali have been june-gloomy, and even if the sun did peek out in the afternoons, i've been stuck in a dimly-lit office for the last few weeks so, even though i'm home for summer break, i haven't gotten much sun exposure yet. (sorry about the running-on of that sentence). anyway, so given the above, sunblock was the last thing on my mind when preparing for the Lakers rally yesterday. I knew temperatures were gonna reach the mid-'70s, i knew i was wearing a tank top (kobe jersey), i knew i would be sitting in an open-air stadium from 9:30am-1:30pm (prime sun-bathing hours), and i've been trying to break my awful habit of not wearing sunblock for a couple of years already. so why did it NOT occur to me to put some on yesterday morning?!?!

maybe because i had to wake up at 5AM to leave by 5:30 to get there by 6ish to wait in a line for ~3 hours before finally getting a seat inside the LA Memorial Coliseum and I was more concerned with making sure there were toilets nearby and that i had snacks to munch on than i was with preventing myself from getting a sunburn on a day that i thought would be gloomy anyway.

so naturally, the sun came out in full force to welcome the lakers to a well-deserved summer break. of course. yeah, my friends and i got pretty decent seats, but those 2-3 hours that we spent sitting there in the coliseum, mingling with la raza, waiting for the lakers to wrap up the parade route and get to the coliseum were pretty brutal. we were sweltering, and after hitting up the concession stands (which took for-EVER because the cashiers labored with no sense of urgency or haste regardless of the lines of potential rioters growing longer and longer) we were also broke because a bottle of water cost FIVE DOLLARS! yeah, they were ice cold, but they should've been bottles of Fiji water for that price!! crystal geyser pshhhhh.

so anyway, the parade continued, the lakers arrived,

the rally started, and before i could get my fill of lakers-love

the rally had ended and i was suffocating in a parking lot. hordes of cars tried to exit via the same paths that the genius LAPD routed the throngs of fans who came by foot. that was awesome.

surprisingly, less than 2 hours later i was back home, relaxing and showering when i saw that my shoulders were RED! like, SUPER RED!! like... my skin went from white to black, except that the black was red. OMG..... insane! i'd never seen my skin so red before! the rest of the afternoon and evening, i couldn't take my mind off of my burned shoulders. i would pull my shirt off my shoulder to show everyone the crazy burn i got. it was kind of funny. it was also strangely funny feeling the drastic temperature difference between my upper arm and my shoulders. my shoulders were literally hot to the touch. eventually, the funniness wore off and the pain set in. forget being hot to the touch, it was straight up painful to the touch now. any clothing that brushed over my shoulders felt like millions of pins pricking me. lifting my arms over shoulder height felt like my skin was ripping. those sensations continued into today. no matter how much aloe vera gel i've slathered on today, my burned shoulders find no relief.

like i said, i don't think i've EVER gotten burned so badly before. i usually tan without burning. what happened this time? *lightbulb* boston. yup, i'm exposing my sun-deprived-for-9-months skin to california sun. idiot! when i came back from boston in may, i came back with the palest skin i'd had in yeeeeeeears. so of course, my first real encounter with the sun left me burned. ouch. welcome to summer.
this picture does NOT do the redness of my shoulders any justice!

what oh what to write about?

2009-05-17T21:16:00.000-07:00

i'm itching to post a new blog entry, but i just don't have anything to write about. or, nothing worth writing about. or, nothing worth elaborating about. ughhhhhhh. is my life that boring? am i just not an interesting person? N always has good stuff on her blog, but she's much deeper than i am. that must be it. i'm just not much of a thinker. that was always blatantly obvious if i were to ever compare myself to my brother. and living with N has only confirmed it. i just don't... think. like it would expend too much valuable energy or something, as if watching the Hills or the Lakers was so much more energy-expending-worthy..... really?

this is embarassing. my new blog entry has gotten off to a great start.

okay, re-do.

*thinking*

yeah no, i've got nothing.
not even a lakers or angels rant, how strange is that?
lately people have been IMing/chatting/texting me like crazy thanks to the lakers crazy jekyll/hyde style they've recently adopted, but i can't even muster up enough energy to FAKE interest in the subject. i guess i'm tired of it. my life doesn't revolve around it anymore, therefore its not really worth talking about.

so what is? whats going on with me thats worth broadcasting to the whole world wide web about?

i'm flying home in 2 days. yessssssssssss!
as great of an experience as it is leaving my comfort bubble (aka socal) i'm super duper excited to go home.

i'm really looking forward to seeing my family, and especially my nieces and nephew. i think i would be fine if i never had kids of my own, because the 3 kids in my life now are so amazing and so precious to me.

yeah, this is worth talking about. i'm dedicating the next few entries to them. one for each of them. stay tuned.

when it comes to homework- fail!

2009-04-28T07:54:00.000-07:00

i don't know what my problem is, but i HATE doing homework!!
ok, i know nobody LIKES to do homework, but people can still force themselves to do it. not me. even though part of my final grade depends on it? yeah... still no.

okay to clarify, when i say 'homework' i'm referring to weekly problem sets. for example, in this one particular class i'm taking right now- we have a total of 11 HW sets for the semester adding up to 10% of our final grade. basically, we had a HW set due every thursday (which made my wednesdays extremely stressful).

think back to the last math class you took in high school or something. remember how your teacher would say something like "okay section 6.4 do problems 1-31 odd." and it would only be the odd problems because the solutions in the back of the book were only for the odd problems! so, you do your homework and because you're able to check your answer, you know whether you're learning and doing problems correctly or not. i LOVE that. that's the kind of homework i have no problem doing!!

so now, in the classes i'm taking these days, we don't get solutions in the back of our textbooks. all we have in the back of our textbooks are references to other related books that don't have solutions either. so when my professor hands out a new HW set, it's just another HW set that i know i won't actually do well on.

the way i see it- what's the point of spending HOURS on some homework assignment not even worth 1% of my final grade, when i won't even know if i'm doing it right or wrong. i don't want to spend that time learning something WRONG- that just doesn't make sense to me. it's much more profitable to me to work towards a correct answer.

i think i discovered this in a thermo class. i was totally struggling with the material, not knowing if i was doing anything right. but then a fellow classmate gave me the solutions manual!! oh man and those solutions had the step-by-step solutions to many of my assigned problems. so, i started to work through my HW sets with the solutions manual- but i didn't just copy it, i digested it, understood it, etc. so even on the problems where the solutions were NOT provided, i had gotten enough practice in to work through those problems correctly too. so obviously i did well on the homeworks, but i also did really well on the exams (how's the highest grade in the class sound?! booyah!). so the problem with not having the solutions is that you're not sure if you're learning correctly or not and then you feel SO vulnerable because you have no positive OR negative feedback!

feedback?? WHOA *REVELATION* the solution is feedback!!
this class i'm in, is on control systems. you have open loop and closed loop systems. the closed loop systems include a feedback element that the open loop lacks. so, ideally you have your command, and some input and you'll get some output. kind of hit or miss. if you add a feedback element into that system, you will know how much error you have and can control that error to zero. this is the problem with assigning homework without the solutions. the student has NO feedback, and so error will skyrocket! however, if you give your student some feedback (what the correct answer SHOULD be), they can keep working to control that error to zero. WOW. maybe i HAVE learned something after all...

so to any teachers out there- why not provide solutions to homework problems? that's when you want them to learn, right? leave the testing to the exams.

when it rains...

2009-03-30T19:18:00.000-07:00

i'm pretty sure Mother Nature is done with the snow, but she's not letting us move on to the warmer weather just yet. we've had a nice rain the last few days. it would be a downpour like this that would clear the smog from LA skies (for at least a day or two). although it hasn't gotten quite torrential, it has still been cathartic.

this seems like the perfect time to purge. to purge old problems, negative feelings, poor health, and the general blues.

it hasn't been easy in the new city, new dwelling, new housemates, new church life, new school, and new (more like lack of) friends. but in with the new and out with the old, right?

the city- my general dislike for Boston has subdued. i don't exactly love it here, but i don't mind it so much anymore. i've gotten into a more regular routine with classes and such and so i've managed to find coffee shops and places i like to study in. i've also gotten more interested in discovering more restaurants and cool shops in different parts of town, so i think i will also start to like the city more as i find more of those places. the only problem is that i need people to explore with- see 'friends' topic below.

my dwelling/housemates- so, there's been somewhat of a purging in my living situation. no major problems to deal with, just the usual misunderstandings and communication issues that come with any new living situation. most importantly, the desire for a prayer life and building among us is definitely there for all 3 of us. so what's been loosed in the heavens just needs to be loosed on the earth. i believe that will happen very soon.

new church life- i've finally gotten to get to know some more local families here! thanks to the practical and wise advice of some cousins in texas, i've started to reach out and take a few steps outside of my comfort zone. i'm also a bit closer with some sisters here now- have opened up more, had a chance to pray with them, and have opened up the line of fellowship. i also finally reached out to br. Dave Bekker too- again, just to open up the line of communication for general fellowship. i was in more local saints' homes this past weekend than all of the previous 7 months combined and it's made such a big difference. i've finally gotten it in my head that THIS, Boston/Cambridge, is where I am now, and it's not enough to just be here physically. I need to emotionally, mentally, and spiritually be here 100% as well.

new school- it's been difficult, but BU has been a good (for the most part) experience compared to the other schools I've attended (UCLA, CSULB). the professors here are VERY approachable and obviously supportive. i don't get the feeling that their research is more important than their teaching, and i have never felt like i was keeping a professor from more important things when i stopped in to their office even during non-office hour hours. i think i really do like BU (except that the food selection on campus could be a lot better). i just really need to stay focused and maintain my motivation to be here and to work hard for as long as i am here.

friends?!- well, there are lots of saints here that i see regularly- tuesday nights, friday nights, LD mornings...- notice a pattern?? yeah, i pretty much only see them during the meetings. i mean those times are sweet and i definitely need them, but i'm starting to feel like i don't have any friends here. not that i want to go out all the time or anything, but sometimes i do want to go watch a movie, or check out some restaurant that i read about, or just go hang out somewhere. i went to NY a couple weekends ago and met up with some of my oldest, closest friends. one came up from DC, another from philly, myself from Boston, and we met with 3 friends who were living in NY. we did some fun things, but we also just spent a lot of time at our friends' apartment hanging out, playing video games, and catching up with each others' lives. it was the first time in a long time that i felt like i was with people who really knew and cared for me. so sure, i've made a couple casual friends from school, but no hints of genuine friendship...

in addition to all of the above, there seems to be a flood of health issues related to myself as well as my extended family lately. not really a purging in the physical sense, but definitely emotional and mental. it seems like the bad news just keeps pouring in. it reminds me of my first couple of years at UCLA. i was personally in a lost condition, far from the Lord and from any practical sense. i had little motivation to work hard in school, and all 3 of my remaining grandparents passed away while both of my older siblings got married. of course my siblings' marriages were happy occasions, but for me, the general stress due to all these events just seemed to wear me down. it seemed like it was one thing after another that was going wrong, or that i was losing control of, and i had no mature way of coping with the strain.

now, however, i am SO happy to be able to say that I have a different way of coping with all these problems. it really struck me a few weeks ago when i heard most of the difficult news. i realized that i was able to pray. i could pray with my siblings. i could pray with my parents. even, while on spring break in Austin, sitting down to a texas-sized dinner in willie nelson's BBQ joint, i could pray with my cousins and aunts, interceding on behalf of our other relatives and members of the Body. it was such a sweet realization to have.

and so, even now when i hear heart-breaking news regarding a sibling or cousin or great aunt, i find solace knowing that although these things are out of our control, one thing we can do is pray.

what a mercy to have had this realization, even in the midst of sad news. but for now and forever, even with tears in my eyes, may I always have the boldness to say "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassions and God of all comfort... For even as the sufferings of the Christ abound unto us, so through the Christ our comfort also abounds." Thank You Lord Jesus, for making this a reality to me through every step of Your full salvation.

jack of all trades, master of none

2009-03-02T17:36:00.000-08:00

did nicole recently post an entry with that saying? if so, then i apologize for the inadvertent plagiarism, but i've just gotta use it tonight!

i've always been the type of person to start a new project and never finish it. cello lessons, piano lessons, drawing, sewing, writing a song, leaving previous song unfinished and starting a new one, taking up knitting, jewelry-making, planning events, etc...... well, i wouldn't necessarily say that i never finish these projects, but let's just say that they're perennially on-going.

so, instead of barraging myself with sentiments of failure and lack of self-control, i'd like to look at these projects as a long list of things i want to accomplish and, dare i say, master! in no particular order:

artsy fartsy:
- finish knitting these mittens and putting them up for sale on etsy!!

- start & finish knitting baby booties. there are a couple buns in the oven i've got in mind...
- make more jewelry! note to self: work on those templates for aaron to make.

- learn more about photography, to create more personal prints for home decoration.

culinary
- successfully make creme brulee. note to self: need to get a butane torch
- collect more cooking/baking equipment
- take a cake decorating class, using fondant.
- make different cakes from scratch, even experiment with my own creations/recipes
- master beef noodle stew
- master 4-3-2-1 pork chops (mom's style)
- learn to make some simple, basic pastries!
- open up a cafe/pastry shop/chocolate bar/musical venue someday.

events
- take a floral arranging class
- get part-time gig with event-planning company someday

writing/words
- get a book published someday (i've got a couple ideas brewing)
- release a CD with original songs
- learn french & italian

musical
- release a CD with original tunes and my own arrangements
- take cello lessons again
- improve: guitar playing, ukelele playing, piano playing, vocals, harmonica
- pick up: mandolin, banjo, pedal steel
- perform sometime??? (other than church weddings!)
- buy a koa wood Taylor

people i want to meet
- zubin mehta
- brad paisley
- jack johnson
- jimmy buffett

personal/home
this category is more of a dream than a tangible plan
- get a decent apartment in a beach town, preferably sunset beach or belmont shores, with easy commute to great job that's good for the church life and also allows me to travel sometimes, and will one day lead to my contribution in designing a world-renowned concert hall.
- have at least 1.5 baths
- remodel bathrooms remember to use awesome hardware i just picked up at anthropologie for such future purpose:

- remodel kitchen
- experiment with painting and decorating rooms inspired by my art, my favorite colors, and anthropologie stores.
- design my own house someday, after living in my own cute apartment.
- have a great dane.
- sit courtside at a Lakers game!
- sit right behind the Lakers bench at a game!
- go on a musical tour of europe (attend concerts at all the great concert halls)

umm... that's all i can think of for now, but i'm sure there's more... oh, and all this during/after i have a great acoustic consulting job and absolute church life!

too much on my mind

2009-03-01T17:24:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had so much on your mind that you couldn't actually concentrate on any one thing? That's how I've been all semester. So here I am, watching the Lord of the Rings- The Return of the King, yet even this one simple pleasure only adds distracting background noise to the already raucous mishmash in my head.

hopefully, all will be put to rest on Wednesday.

even so, it brings up a valid question, really fitting to me right now. as Christians, our only goal is our Lord Himself and His kingdom. but as humans, we have human responsibilities that we need to take care of. in my case, my one, top responsibility right now is to do well in school and to graduate in a timely manner. so then, what am i to do when it seems that no amount of self-control, or even prayer, is helping me devote adequate time and concentration to my studies? how else can i pray? what more do i pray for? do i just try to be as strict as possible with myself? it just never seems good enough.

I know we just cast our anxieties on the Lord, and that He intercedes on our behalf, and that our enjoyment of the Lord should elicit a proper human living, and etc., but what if it's not working?

i guess, all i can do is try my hardest, humanly, and more importantly, trust in the Lord, spiritually.

don't bring shaq baq!

2009-02-18T10:58:00.000-08:00

Who remembers the days of:
don't they look so happy together?

And what about:
Ahhhhh the sweet smell of victory permeated southern California for three-peat years. Remember when *everyone* (including that girl who never, ever talked about basketball before) had those Lakers flags on their car windows?

Oh, the memories. Did those memories come gushing back after last weekend's All-Star game when, yup, you guessed it (and I really did predict this):

Well, sports media all over the country is buzzing about the possibility of Shaq coming baq to LA before the pending trade deadline. There were hints and rumors being casually tossed around before the all-star break (when Shaq started playing decent ball again), but after their co-MVP performances in Phoenix on Sunday night, well, it seems like some people are already placing their orders for a purple and gold Shaq jersey.

What's my response to this?

MITCH, DON'T DO IT!! PLEEEEASE!!

Why not? The Lakers have come such a long way since Kobe's trade demands in the summer of '07, they're cruising at the #1 spot in the NBA after big wins over the Celtics and the Cavs (the most likely Eastern conference champs), but with Bynum's recent injury, have the Lakers, once again, lost that extra piece needed to secure an NBA championship?

Maybe. But that's a chance I'm willing to risk. For once, as a Lakers fan, my interest is not in winning at any cost. There is a principle at stake here that is more important to me than just winning. Have people already forgotten how Shaq trash-talked Kobe, and said (even challenged) that Kobe could never win without him? I haven't. In fact, for the last 4 years, that statement has festered within this fan's core. It burned when Shaq won with Miami, and it got worse with every whaq rap that Shaq-Fu came out with.

Okay, okay, okay, I KNOW that Kobe is no saint. I know he has made his share of mistakes and bad decisions, and was not always a great teammate. Let's not even talk about Colorado. But for a player, business is business, and Kobe has never lost sight of that. For me as a fan, I try not to concern myself too much with a player's personal life. All other fans out there should do the same. Are these players getting paid the big, and I mean BIG, bucks to be good people?? Nope. They're getting paid for their abilities to play basketball. Of course I understand that their being in the public eye makes them inevitable role-models to some younger, more impressionable fans, and for that cause, these players should ideally be good people, but face it- you'd be dreaming if you expected professional athletes to be role-model-worthy.

So with that said, I don't respect Shaq as an NBA player because he likes to play us, the fans. He seems more interested in staying in the media's limelight than he is in playing the game he's paid to play. Have you noticed over the last few years, as Shaq's game started to suffer, that he would find ways to get back into the news headlines by coming up with a new rap attaqing Kobe... AGAIN. That bit got old real quick. Unfortunately, Shaq's an old dog that can't learn new tricks... or can he?

He's been doing a good job over the last few weeks by manipulating the media again, in his own interest. Oh, he came out with a statement admitting that all the drama between him and Kobe was... just.. for fun? Actually, he really does respect Kobe and that they're on good terms? I know Kobe put that drama behind him a LONG time ago, but Shaq is NOW 'fessing up to it?? Oh, and how timely is Shaq's great change in heart as Phoenix's head coach gets fired, and the team looks to be falling apart as trade rumors emerge. Then Shaq puts on a great show at the all-star game, and starts kissing up to Kobe, showing that he has finally learned how to play well with others. Even, they play well enough with each other to win co-MVP titles! WOW.

*gag*

Look, I recognize that Shaq could definitely supplement this team in a positive way, and I'm ultimately open to that idea only AFTER Kobe & the Lakers win without Shaq first. It would be unfair to Kobe and unfair to the rest of the team and the fans (who feel the way I do), to bring Shaq baq before another championship. I think Mitch is smart enough to recognize that. I hope you are too.

Stay Gold- my first listing on Etsy!!

2009-02-14T20:44:00.000-08:00

Check out my handmade earrings (pre-made supplies) up for sale on Etsy!
I'm so excited to *finally* be selling something!! I hope I can keep this up and continue coming up with new designs and fun items to sell!

nothing to wear

2009-01-27T08:56:00.000-08:00

late november, 2008:
i emailed my immediate family, about how i couldn't feel my nose. of course i knew it was going to be getting cold here, but i hadn't expected it to be that cold in november.

january 27, 2009:

here we are, a short 2 months after the cold made its deep, cold-to-the-bone, impression in me. now what? still got a good 2-3 months to go of this. i don't mind it so much. sure it gets ridiculously cold, but i'm used to it. my only problem with the weather now is that i don't have much variety of cold-weather clothes, or coats rather.

i wear the same coat every day. and i'm getting tired of it. not the coat, but just the same look every day. i couldn't get tired of this coat. it's a betsey johnson coat that i fell in love with at first sight on nordstrom.com. it came in two colors- black and pink:

my favorite part of the coat:

yup, the bow.

now, i just need to switch things up a little bit. i think if i can manage to switch up my look every so often, i'll be able to get through this winter with relatively highi spirits. so that brings me to my next problem. i was watching The City the other night (i know it's stupid, i know i know i know! but it does a great job of getting my mind off of vortex theory and material derivatives and dynamic control systems and...) so the main character Whitney:
is this really fashionable, model-like girl who works for legendary designer DVF (whose outrageous prints and colors i love!) in NY's meat-packing district. Whitney's style is kinda hippie-trendy. obviously i'm not built like a model, but there are a FEW things that i like to take from whitney's style. specifically: Anthropologie's Roarin' Rose headband. i thought it was sooooo cute that i tried tracking one down through Anthropologie's customer service. it's only $9.95 now compared to the $24ish it was before. apparently, i'm competing with the millions of tweens who also watch The City to find that head band. it's been a few days now, and so far, no luck. i bid farewell to that awesome headband that could've helped keep my ears warm and my winter look a-changing. *sigh*

Dear Lakers,

2008-12-17T07:08:00.001-08:00

There's just over a week left until your biggest game, thus far, of the season. Yes, Christmas day's match-up against the Boston Celtics. Do any of you remember last year, before the rivalry was renewed, when you came out onto the court with the throw-back jerseys with shorts so short that your thighs were showing? I remember it. I remember thinking that it was funny and fun, and really proud of you all for going through with it. Unfortunately, by half-time, you were already getting slaughtered by the Celtics, and all we fans could do was blame it on the short shorts. You guys came back out with your regular jerseys on, and I think you still lost.

Then there were the 2008 Finals. Let's not even go there. (Although I AM super thankful for game 4- I got to take pictures with Tom Arnold and Vic the Brick, and of course we won!!!!)

So here we are in the first half of the 2008-2009 season. We're leading the West again, but don't let that deceive you. I just want you guys to know- and this is coming from one of your die-hard, purple & gold til the end, fans- that you boys better get your game together in time for the 25th!

I'm stuck in Boston for grad school right now, so I don't get to watch nearly enough games as I'd like. The last game I watched was last week against the Shaq-less Suns. Yeah you guys pulled off a win, but it was like torture watching that game! I was SO happy to finally get to watch a game, but I turned my TV off afterward feeling SO depressed. Not much has changed since last week. Apparently you guys struggled to manage a W against the NY Knicks. The Knicks! From what I hear, you can't GIVE away Knicks tickets lately. I know they've gotten a little better in the last few weeks, but still. Come on guys, this isn't funny anymore.

I WANT MORE RINGS!!!! I know you guys do too!
Phil- what's with Luke starting??????
Kobe- I want you to get one without Shaq so that we can shut all the haters up. I want you to do exactly what you're doing, play the way you play, work the way you work, and to keep encouraging the other guys like they need you, their veteran captain, to do.
LO, I REALLY want you to step up and be the guy- whether you're starting or coming off the bench- who sparks our team the way we all know you can. You know how amazing it is when you cut through a pack of defenders for an easy bucket like a hot knife through butter? I LOVE watching you play! Oh, but you gotta work on your FT%
PAU, love you man! Keep it up, your FG% is great, FTs could be improved, but you're solid. If anything, get a little tougher!
Drew- keep it up! From the few games I've seen, I don't have much to complain about your role, so just keep it up and stay active.
The rest of you... well... know your role in the team, and stay there. Luke- just pass the ball and get those assists. Trevor- get on that D, but don't worry about scoring too much. Jordan- don't take too many 3s. Sasha- just catch and shoot. VladRad- umm, snowboarding anyone? nah, but you gotta man-up, make sure you're hittin those shots!...

i don't know what the problem is, but you guys gotta come together as a team, as a solid single killing unit. Pau, Drew- are you guys ready for KG? Are you ready for that crazy face all in yo' grill for a good 36 minutes??

I better see some FIGHT in you guys, some HUNGER! I think you've been spoiled by the easy start. You guys are in NO WAY READY to bring the championship back to LA and that seriously bothers me. It's time to get physical, it's time to start playing for real. I'm gonna work hard the next 2 days to rock my last 2 final exams. While I'm busy with that, I hope you guys work hard to rock the Celtics. Give them a rude awakening. I wanna send KG home with his tail between his legs. I wanna see him sittin on the bench for the last 12 minutes of the game, with a towel over his head. I want Paul Pierce to fake another injury, this time to save himself from the embarassment of having a bad game.

Let's go, boys! Don't you know, purple & gold is the new green!

Love always,
Sharon "Sho-time" Ho

a fresh start

2008-12-08T07:54:00.000-08:00

for too long now, i've been using this blog to write about EVERYTHING in my life, which has resulted in a crazy rollercoaster of a blog. realizing i need to keep certain themes in my life separate from others, i've created another blog elsewhere and am now re-dedicating this blog to the more light-hearted, less eternally-important things in my life. so stay tuned for random ramblings more fitting to "oh sho"

mid-20 crisis

2008-11-18T21:07:00.000-08:00

so i had to meet up with a group today for a class project. everyone in my group is like 22-23, and i'm turning 27 in 10 days. so they're basically drilling me, interviewing me, asking me what life's like after college, asking questions like: "did you still live at home?"

but the absolute best line today, after Tatchi found out how old i was:
"what? shouldn't you be getting married now??"

and then joanna adds:
"well... do you have any prospects?"

seriously?
does this topic have to come up with EVERYONE i talk to?

a landy piece of salt. a scientific novel.

2008-11-11T20:04:00.000-08:00

inspired by nicole's novel-writing, i plan on resurrecting the meager beginnings of a short-story i started working on about a year ago. here's what i had back then. it's more of a brain-storm (complete with run-on sentences!) than an actual introduction, but you'll get a sense of what i plan on writing about eventually...

"chitter chatter"

i was sitting in a wicker chair in a corner of the outdoor patio of a Covent Garden cafe. in between sips of my favorite overpriced peppermint latte, i'd been trying to find the balancing point between the chair's uneven legs since i sat down. admitting defeat, i settled back into the chair's natural resting point and ignored the askant looks sent my way by London's finest. they were schoolgirls and i was determined to not let them make me feel like the new girl in school who had on all of last year's trends. so i sat there, bearing the brunt of their gossip head-on. luckily i had on my darkest tinted sunglasses and could stare at them, mentally listing all of their flaws, defending my superiority. it took about a minute for me to realize that, even though my hair was shinier than all of theirs, it was absurd for me to feel threatened by girls not even old enough to claim legal independence.

i redirected my attention to a Great Dane puppy sitting patiently on the other side of the patio's cast iron fence. He was a beautiful blue, no more than 6 months old and he was more impressed with the radiating warmth of the sun than he was of any posh schoolgirls sitting a couple meters away. He stretched in the way that inspired yoga's Downward Dog and planted himself as comfortably as he could on the cement. Watching him rest in the sun carried me away to what I had always imagined Jimmy Buffett's Punta Margarita pirate oasis to be like. I immediately set my ipod on my 'beach-bum' playlist and let steel guitars, Jack Johnson, and Kenny Chesney saturate the space around me. I closed my eyes and relived my favorite moments in Hawai'i and back home at Sunset Beach. I thought about the summers I had spent at the beach, the different sandy textures i had dug my toes into, and the waves I loved to float on.

In Southern California and Hawai'i, most of the beach-goers love to surf. They patiently watch the waves and swell patterns, looking for the one that'll carry them through an okeanophile's dream. I always found surfing to be an amazing thrill, yet I preferred the exact opposite of pushing my body to catch that high. Instead of looking for the big waves, I sought after conditions that allowed me to swim past the breakers and just float lazily on my back without having to worry about getting pummeled by waves every 30 seconds. Sunset Beach and the south-western edges of Oahu worked pretty well for my passive ways.

what is it about that massive stretch of salty water that draws the deepest parts of my soul? why is it there, and only there, that i find myself longing to escape to when life's daily necessities daunt me?

"Roll on, deep and dark blue ocean, roll. ...
Man marks the earth with ruin, but his control stops with the shore."
-- Lord Byron

the guitar hero in me

2008-11-06T19:13:00.000-08:00

"i don't know why i act the way i do
like i ain't got a single thing to lose
sometimes i'm my own worst enemy
i guess that's just the [guitar hero] in me.
...
the urge to run, the restlessness
the heart of stone i sometimes get
the things i've done for foolish pride
the me that's never satisfied
the face that's in the mirror when i don't like what i see
i guess that's just the [guitar hero] in me.
...
we ride and never worry about the fall
i guess that's just the [guitar hero] in us all"

-"The Cowboy in Me" by tim mcgraw

i'm a big fan of country music. there's something about country music that no other genre possesses. take now, for example, as i listen to randy travis' "three wooden crosses," his voice is like the silkiest dove chocolate commercial ever made.

what??

the other day, my favorite commercial (see 3rd post below) was on TV and the commercial voice guy said "there's a guitar hero in all of us." at which point i looked at N and said "there's a really good one in me."

---------------------

sometimes it hits me that i'm just a little different from most others. in high school i was always conscious of that, but i think it was mostly due to a "too cool for school" attitude that i suffered from back then as my posse of two (count 'em, two) hung out in the unpopulated corners of our campus...

no, but seriously, what is it? to this day, i've found very few kindred spirits (doesn't that remind you of Anne of Green Gables?), or soul mates (whether male or female). i get along great with a lot of people, but very few actually get me.

i like to think of myself as an old (read: elderly) person at heart. i feel that i hold some old-fashioned, outdated even, outlooks on life and i like that.

i don't know how i come across to you, but the way others tend to describe me: laid-back (i think that's because i talk slowly), crazy (as in fun-loving), "cool" (whatever that means), sports-aholic... and so everyone gets a different idea of who i am, but does anyone really know me?

i've been in certain relationships in the past, and in the midst of them, it seemed that the other person really knew me. but years later, meeting them again, i realize that they didn't know me at all, and what really bothers me is that they THINK they knew and still know me inside out.

so then i begin to question whether or not i even want anybody to really know me that well, after all, i'm a much different person now than i was 2 years ago, and how much more will i continue to change? so, i guess it becomes a question of whether i'll ever really know myself. (i realize and apologize that this is turning into a total carrie bradshaw monologue)

and so it is that i continue on in my quest for self-discovery. i thought i took care of this back in college, but i was barely scratching the surface. at least one thing remains true: i am a better guitar hero than you.

"man, you are complex
rational emotional
perennially changing"
-the best guitar hero EVER.

things I'LL never outgrow (for vanessa)

2008-11-05T16:26:00.001-08:00

okay, so vanessa did this post, list of things from childhood that she'll never outgrow, and i really liked the idea too. i didn't have time to sit down and compile the list right away, but now that I've got 2 tests looming over my head, it seems like i've got plenty of time. so here's my list:

Things I'll Never Outgrow:
1. Procrastinating (especially with tests looming over my head)
2. dogs, dogs, dogs! i love them!! i especially love big dogs! we had a Siberian Husky, a shepherd mix, and a German Shepherd in my family, and I loved those dogs so much. When I get a chance to have my own dog someday, I plan on getting a Boxer or a Bloodhound or a Bernese Mountain Dog or a Great Dane. Maybe all :)
3. watching TV (cartoons) ALL day and not having a care in the world. Some of my favorite cartoons were: Smurfs, Beverly Hills Teens, Jem, He-man and She-ra, Popples, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Dennis the Menace, Gargoyles, X-men, My Little Pony, Care Bears, etc...
4. Swimmming!! Doesn't matter if it's a pool or the ocean, I just love being in the water!
5. shee-fan and roh-sohng. (rice porridge and pork sung- yum!)
6. Fruity Pebbles and Cookie Crisp! I love how fruity pebbles makes your milk pink and sugary!
7. My cousins! Especially Phoebe & Johanna (the ones I was closest to growing up). We had soooooo much fun (we lived across the street from each other!) we'd have lemonade stands, collect recyclable cans from the neighbors (and never actually recycle them), etc.)
8. Ice cream truck!! Even though I hardly eat ice cream now (cuz I just can't eat the junk that I used to), I still LOVE it! Cookies n' Cream, mint chocolate chip, coffee, and Big Sticks! Don't you love hearing an ice cream truck headed your way?
9. My Care Bear blanket (now the nieces & nephew use it when they come over).
10. Fruit roll ups. I used to wrap the whole thing around my finger and then ate it (sounds gross huh?) and it'd make my finger all red afterwards. And I loved when they started having the cut-out shapes, and different colors... so yummy. Now that I think about it, ANY fruity sticky candies like that- fruit roll-ups, gushers, etc...
11. Chocolate chip cookies & brownies are by far my most FAVORITE treats ever. I could eat them forever. I loooooooove them and I really love the edge and corner pieces of brownies.
12. Gingerbread houses. Even though I don't celebrate Christmas, I really love the holidays and gingerbread houses. I love making them, decorating them, and eating them!
13. Playing. I just love playing. When you go to the park, and just play anything and everything with friends and family. That's a good day.

I'm sure there's a lot more things I could add to this list, but those are the ones that have come to mind so far....

yes on prop 8

2008-11-05T11:15:00.001-08:00

okay so the elections this year are bringing out the politics in me (which i usually shun).

i formally accept obama as my president. i may not have voted for him, but i am not closed to him. having watched his acceptance speech last night, i have no negative feelings towards him, and i believe that he CAN help bring our nation together (to some degree), and patch up differences in ways that republicans have neglected in recent years. most importantly, i trust the One on the throne, and i trust in the millions of prayers that were made for this election. so this is our new president, and i have nothing less than respect for him.

i do this on principle. he was elected president, leader of this nation, and i cannot deny that human authority. it's the same principle as recognizing the authority of policemen, no matter how "dirty" some may be. (please do NOT read: sharon thinks obama is dirty.)

actually, politics in general are a mess. the reason for government is the inherent fallibility, recklessness of man. and until man no longer suffers from our own flaws, we are doomed to live under human government and the ridiculous politics that have ensued. so really, it's kind of a waste of time (in my opinion) to let politics take up even a minute of my life....

but before i drop politics for the next 4 years, one more important topic: prop 8 in california. i think that proposition 8 primarily seeks to preserve and maintain the definition of marriage and that it shouldn't be taken as a discriminatory statement. i know that that's not exactly what the proposition might state, or how it was sold to californians, but that's my interpretation, and that's why i voted yes on 8. while i don't agree with homosexuality, there's that fine line of basic human rights that needs to be respected with this topic (this can go either way). i pose no solution, i simply support the FIRM upholding of the definition of marriage as a formal union between a man and a woman. this is why prop 22 was overthrown by california's supreme court- it was not clearly defined, so now it will be clearly defined, and for now let them come up with a new term for homosexual promises of affection...

my dream guy

2008-10-28T16:27:00.000-07:00

funny math stuff

2008-10-26T20:43:00.000-07:00

so i have a professor, professor Howe

who's from the UK. it's a class i'm taking called Engineering Math, which basically covers all of the math that i've ALREADY taken, but in waaaaaaaay more detail as necessary for engineers. (This is just a Boston University thing) Anyway, so it's like the mother of all engineering math classes, taught by the engineering department (not math department!). This professor is a super whiz, he also teaches advanced fluid mechanics, and a class that i'll be taking next semester: Acoustics & Aerodynamic Sound (scary).

So anyway, he's hilarious, but it's not always intentional. For example, you know how you'll have a function like 1/(x-1) and so it's obvious that the function DNE at x=1 right? (for non-math ppl- because when x=1 then the denominator is zero and you just can't have that cuz how can you divide by zero????) so in math we say that "The function DOES NOT EXIST at x=1." My professor, however, refers to these instances as the "awkward bits" of the function. So it's funny when he says something like "so we get rid of the awkward parts by..."

yeah, i guess you had to be there.

but maybe you can appreciate this story. so in our review of partial differential equations, we were going over eigenfunction expansions which take the form:
f(x)sin(n(pi)x)dx = (sigma)A_nsin(n(pi)x)sin(N(pi)x)
and this is integrated over the range and you come up with a solution for A_n such that A_n simply equals TWICE the integral of f(x)sin(n(pi)x)dx.

Okay, so after he proved that, he goes (imagine this with a british accent) "Find this amazing?? No? What a pity..."

Classic genius math guy... I love it! Makes me laugh, and makes me enjoy math & engineering. Special people.

my autumn

2008-10-19T18:24:00.000-07:00

"With the coming of autumn, the days grow shorter and the nights longer and the temperatures move from warm to cool... If summer is the period of youth in one's life, then autumn is the adult period... The possibilities of summer are gone, and the chill of winter is on the horizon. Skies turn grey, and people turn inward, both physically and mentally." (http://www.symbolism.org/writing/books/sp/4/page2.html)

it's October 19. As of tomorrow I will have been in Boston/Cambridge for 2 full months.

that's it?!

i can't help but spend a LOT of time looking forward to Thanksgiving (when I'll get to go to Chicago and see my parents again), and especially winter break when I'll get to go HOME and see everyone that makes it my home. don't misunderstand- it's not that i dislike being here. it's just that it gets lonely sometimes and i'm still getting to know everyone here.

i'm taking a break right now from working on my take-home math exam. this exam is on complex variables and their functions including (but not limited to) Cauchy's theorems, poles, singularities, and residues... it's not too difficult, but it's different. just like my general experience of the east coast- it's different.

people are different. academia is different. baseball is different. the way professors speak and teach is different. the water is different. my method of transportation is different. Target is different. my room is different. my clothes NEED to be different. my diet is different. my neighbors are different. my friends are different. the church life is the same, but different. my life is drastically different.

back in southern california (this seems to be the way a LOT of my sentences start out these days) i was in my comfort zone. i was in the environment i'd spent my whole life in. i was fully independent; i never needed to ask anyone for a ride to the meeting, or a ride home from the meeting. i never needed to ask anyone for ANYTHING. now, i feel like my world has been flipped upside down. not only am i dependent on others for rides to and from meetings, but more specifically, i'm LIMITED. I'm limited in so many ways- my daily living (with new housemates), my budget, my range of social entertainment, my means of getting around, etc.

i could really use a manicure & pedicure, an eyebrow waxing, a facial, a day at Taco Surf then Sunset Beach then Great Dane bakery, a trip to nordstrom rack, a #6 8-piece with bbq sauce from Chick-fil-A, a day driving around in the Land Rover, etc. I know I sound like an overdramatic spoiled brat- but before you judge me- you gotta understand that what I just described was NORMAL for me and still is for so many people.

So, what's my point?

Like I said earlier, things are different- and it's not so much a BAD thing, but somehow the difference I described above makes my loneliness much more apparent. Or is it my loneliness that makes the difference so much more apparent? I can't tell. All I know is that it's a loneliness that can bring me to tears, and more and more, even though there are people around me, it's become apparent that my time here is just about me and God. I don't have my parents, my siblings, or my close group of girlfriends to pass the time with, to distract me from my spiritual pursuit, to live my God-independent life with. I am completely out of my comfort zone, separated from everyone I was close to, and limited in my range of activities. All I have here is school, the church life + saints, and mostly God.

So I find that I spend more time with Him. I spend more time in the ministry and in the Word, and I spend more time musing over the Word. It's been a difficult 2 months because the Lord has touched a lot of aspects of my inner being that had been untouched. But, with all the difficult times have come the rush of sweetness that results from precious time spent with Him. Moving away from my physical home has brought me closer to my eternal dwelling place.

All thy griefs by Him are ordered, needful is each one for thee;
All thy tears by Him are counted, one too much there cannot be;
And if while they fall so quickly thou canst own His way is right,
Then each bitter tear of anguish precious is in Jesus' sight.

Far too well thy Savior loves thee to allow thy life to be
One long, calm, unbroken summer- one unruffled, stormless sea;
He would have thee fondly nestling closer to His loving breast,
He would have that day seem brighter when alone is perfect rest.

Hymn 676

autumn in boston

2008-10-11T19:23:00.000-07:00

the last couple days have been absolutely BEAUTIFUL, here in Cambridge. So today, instead of spending the whole day cooped up inside pretending to study, I decided to go out on a little walk and take pics of the beautiful autumn sights. Oh, I also included pics of my new and improved hair (I got a perm), and I also did a little bit of exploring and ran into some sights that I was NOT looking for, you'll see:

early hibernation (final post this season on mlb.com/blogs)

2008-10-09T07:56:00.000-07:00

ok, the angels lost. again. is the world happy now? they were right, they couldn't get past the red sox. again. it's taken me a couple days to cope with monday night's heart-wrenching loss, but here I am- no longer rooting for a playoff team, no longer the featured blogger on mlblogs, ughhhh the bane of my existence.....

this will likely be my last post for a while whilst i move on to the pending nba season. (as far as the rest of the playoffs go, i think the dodgers will face tampa bay, and if that's the case i hope tampa bay wins. if it's dodgers/sox, i hope the dodgers win. either way, i think the dodgers will get past the phillies).

here's my goodbye to a championship-less, yet, still amazing season:

ode to my 2008 angels:
(warning, i am NOT a poet, nor do I know anything about poetry)
springtime in california, how i miss your glorious rays,
warm days, crisp night's, requiring my red jacket at the big A.
on a ~~losing~~ night,
torii's inner fight,
walked off the grandest slam i'd seen in all my days.
fighting with the blue's, (the umps and dodgers too),
seeing the couple in the row before me make their decisions to say "I do."
not off to the best start, but good enough to still be best
becoming the nation's winningest team, and another title- AL West!
watching the red sox fans whine, as we take 8 out of 9
then succumbing again to playoff pressures,
though to snap the cursed streak.
we lived to see another great season
end early
so then,
we'll warm up again in spring 2009
and continue in the fight
to be baseball's most proven team-
for an angels Red October
I will continue to dream.

Goodbye MLBlogs for now. If you'd like to keep up with me until next Spring, you can find me on blogspot here

love is in the air

2008-10-06T09:39:00.000-07:00

at least for me it is.

what a game last night!! did you watch it?? did you watch all 5+ hours?? i did, and i love our team more than ever! game 3 was the first of the series when our own errors didn't [reasonably] COST us our game. we still made mistakes, but we were able to keep working to get past those mistakes. hitters other than the 3, 4, and 5 spots were able to get hot, and we were able to keep key players like jason bay at bay (sorry i couldn't resist- media used it the other day as in the angels being held at bay, i HAD to flip it back at them, right?!)

anyway, as proud as i am right now, i know this means we have a tough game ahead of us tonight again at fenway. with last night's game ending well past midnight, tonight's game kicking off just after 8pm, throw some jetlag into that mix and you've got a couple of worn out teams. i'm GUESSING that the red sox have the advantage because they may still have eastern time on their internal clocks, but the angels no doubt will be running more on adrenaline than on sleep for game 4.

last night really was a pitching duel. for a while i thought it might come down to whichever team had the most pitchers. and after we got frankie out there, i had no idea who scioscia would bring out- justin speier?? who else was there? and then out comes jered weaver. our lanky, 6'7" regular season starter. he sure did bring it. he commanded those last couple innings with a presence that he sometimes lost during the regular season. he made me proud! (trivia fact: as a little leaguer, jered played on a team called the Angels, and went to college at Long Beach State).

last night was an amazing team effort; in addition to the starting lineup, we got help from arredondo, oliver, shields, frankie, weaver, willits, morales, matthews, jr.,.. it'd almost be more efficient to list those who DIDN'T play! (s.rodriguez, b.woods, ...)

major props to our catcher, mike napoli. i'd been saying it the last couple games, that he was due for a big hit, and he got it!! TWO of them! those were huge, not just because it kept us alive in the box score, but for the momentum and morale of the team. especially for those 2 HRs to com in an elimination game against Mr. October himself spoke volumes of the fight that the Angels still had in them. Juan Rivera and Kendry Morales both haven't been producing as much either, and I think they're also overdue for big hits, so we'll see where Scioscia puts them tonight.

Now that the non 3-4-5 guys have been connecting with the ball (Figgy really got us going with that triple off Beckett's first pitch, Nappy's 2 HRs, etc.) I think the pressure is off of Teixeira, Guerrero, and especially Torii Hunter for game 4. Everyone knows that the WHOLE team is fighting, and I think that will help loosen up our 3-4-5 guys for some more extra-inning hits (which there has been a drought of). I'm looking for a big game from those 3 tonight.

Last, but SO not least, I gotta give so much credit to Mike Scioscia himself, number 14, the Angels franchise's most winningest manager. i really respect him- the trust he has in his players (putting krod back in last night after friday's night's, well, let's not talk about it), putting jered weaver in in the 11th and 12th, not blowing a gasket when others might have, offering some help and calling plays to napoli and the pitcher when he needs to, and especially for being able to keep his players calm (i love seeing him clap and motioning to the players to relax, stay calm). these are qualities needed especially during the playoffs, and for scioscia to do it with genuine optimism as truly admirable.

man, i love this team!!

tonight will be tough- lackey vs. lester. lester was a monster in game 1, but lackey worked the red sox pretty well himself (except for that one HR). i suspect our batters will be better prepared against lester tonight, having such recent experience with the new-and-improved lester and his pitching prowess. so, while we're facing a pitcher who's SO much better than he was when we saw him in the regular season, the red sox are facing an angels pitcher who has proven himself to be a consistent threat. brace yourself for another amazing pitcher's duel tonight!

let's take this series back to anaheim!!!!!!
GO HALOS!!!!!!

my last game at the Big A this season- let's hope everyone back there gets at least one more chance to go this season ;)

down but not out, bring on the monstah!

2008-10-06T09:36:00.000-07:00

(This entry was written Sunday, Oct 5 around 9:20AM but didn't get published here on blogspot- I only updated my facebook & mlb.com/blog notes, so this is a repost)

k quick post before church today...
i'm not going to finish that other post just yet- the whiney, i-hate-everyone rant has temporarily departed. now, the only thing on my mind is game 3. i got a text last night from a friend who was at dodger's stadium after their game 3 win and series sweep. okay, so espn picked the cubs to go all the way this year. Ummmm how bout not even past the NLDS? so whoever over at the evil 4-lettered network whose-name-shall-not-be-spoken [anymore] decided to pick the angels to come out on top here, thanks BUT NO THANKS! they did this to us during the lakers-celtics series too, now that i think about it. Well, there goes any credibility they had...

as for today's game, chances are NOBODY is picking the angels to come back from this one- but when you have FOUR, count 'em, 4, playoff series' that are ALL 2-0 must-win-situations, i mean, you're just setting the stage for a major upset, major cinderella story. the angels still have a lot of fight in them, and there's no way we could keep making the ridiculous errors we've been making when we're one of the top defensive teams in the league, so it's time for ANY crazy baseball curses or demons that are plaguing the angels to dispel.

my team's not done playing. i don't believe it and neither do they. even if the rest of the world is against us, i don't care. knowing that my team still knows (read this) they can come out here and take care of business, is all the insurance i need. bring on the monstah, bring on the crazy fens fans. bring on the dropkick murphys anthem, pirates of the caribbean theme songs- anything.

joe saunders has proven his ability against beckett at fenway in the past, and he'll do it again tonight. angels fans, don't give up just yet! remember, we clinched our berth WEEKS early, so we're just gettin warmed up here ;)

mini blog- check me out!!!

2008-10-03T23:25:00.000-07:00

today, i'm the featured blogger on http://www.mlb.com/blogs/ !!!!!!!!!! super exciting! check it out (or not, cuz its the same stuff i post up here and on facebook too).

see me on the bottom of the page??

the hunt for red october

2008-10-03T11:26:00.000-07:00

No, no, not the Sean Connery submarine movie. Red, as in Angels-red and October as in MLB playoff-October. Where is it?!? Seriously, WHERE IS IT????????? HELLOOO Angels?? Anyone out there??? What's become of you?? Ain't no way we're letting Boston sweep us AGAIN, right?? This is NOT what we brought Torii and Teixeira (still miss you Kotch!) here for!!
*deep breath*
Now that I've gotten that off my chest, game 2 is on tonight. 9:30ET. (6:30 pacific- woohoo west coast!) Tonight, we gotta bring it. My note today is not about analyzing strengths and weaknesses. We need to get the energy, the momentum back on our side. We gotta bring whatever it was that made us MLB's #1 team this year, whatever it was that swept 2 series against the Red Sox, whatever it was that made 6 out of 10 ESPN "experts" pick the Angels to take this series.

Okay, Kris, I know you're gonna be at the Big A tonight. Anyone else?? I say we get everyone together and harbor all of our positive, GO ANGELS THE RED SOX SUCK energy into tonight's game. This is doable. Kris- you take care of getting everyone at Angel Stadium rallied up- heck, even join that girl with the bandanna, braids and the drum that walks around the upper deck yelling "Here we go Angels, here we go!" And I'll take care of all the fans here in Boston, me. And I also believe the passion in this facebook note will reach the corners of the earth to touch any other Angels fans that might be out there. This way, we should have everyone covered heading into tonight's game.

Forget Dice-K's 9-0 road record. What about our 100 Win record??? What about our ace on the mound tonight, all-star Ervin Santana? Don't worry, we'll take care of the Sox tonight. I think we got any mistakes and jitters out of the way on Wednesday, tonight it's back to business as usual.

Fear the monkey!!!!!!